Jokes and Other Readings

This joke is based upon two meanigs of one word, if you can understand this joke you are really good in English


Rabbit Resurrection

A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful he began to cry.

A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to he car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road.

50 meters away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 meters, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 meters.

The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, " What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?"

The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: " 'Hare Spray' Restores Life to Dead Hare. Adds Permanent Wave."

This is nonly a joke, but one can see how different people, in this case men and women, are equipped with different memes, which emerges when the semiotics of there communication are
loooked into a bit deeplier. The same words, just only different punctuuation, which means different signs, and we get different memes.

Nice!

Wo Man

An English teacher wrote this phrase on the board and asked her students to properly punctuate it: "Woman without her man is nothing."

MEN WROTE: Woman, without her man, is nothing.

WOMEN WROTE: Woman! Without her, man is nothing.

Well, what should I say, this is a joke, a witty episode, but I feel it is even a bit more to think about.

I Just Needed To Use Your Car

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"

These short sentences are funny but only if you understand some English. To students such and similar funny sentences may highly contribute to better understanding of English and to better undersanding of how American thinks.

Here they are


Driven to Distraction

- Only in America can a pizza guy get to your door faster than an ambulance.

- Why do slow-down and slow-up mean the same thing?

- Why are wise man and wise guy opposites?

- Why is it that when stuff goes on a truck it's called a shipment and on a boat it's called cargo?

- Why do we drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?

- Why do we press harder on things when we know the batteries are dead?

More Deep Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Way Too Seriously

- OK, . . . . so what's the speed of dark?

- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

- Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

- How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

- Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

- Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

- Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

- Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapeno's. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.